Same Old Endings, New Unpredictable Beginnings

Today, as you all know, is the last day of 2012. So far I have spent most of it travelling back up North. This was not the original plan, however due to..... unexpected circumstances... and with the understanding of my friend that I let down, I had to find something else to do tonight. Consequently I am gate-crashing my housemates part, and will be seeing the New Year with them!
Apart from not spending tonight celebrating with one of my oldest friends, things could not have work out better really! I was starting to go crazy being in my home town. Just 2 weeks there and I had seen everyone I wanted to and spent more than enough time with my mother. I am so glad to be getting back to my life! (Also need to go back so that I actually start revising for my ever approaching exam..)

So I guess I should be reflecting on this year and how it has treated me: the good, the bad, what I have learnt, etc. I have been thinking about this for the last couple of days. However, every day I learn something new or a valuable lesson and every day has its good and its bad moments. I have decided not to contemplate in depth about what has happened this year and leave it there, in the past.
Instead I am only looking forward to the future, and when I say the future, I mean tomorrow. Even though I will need to plan somethings in advance (like finding somewhere to live when I graduate, finding a job to save up money, etc), I am very happy living in the unknown: not knowing whats going to happen from one minute to the next; living in the moment. Someone I care about deeply taught me the importance of this frame of mind.
It is true though, I dont know whats going to happen. So why would I waste my time worrying about it? I'm a great believer in Fate: what will be will be. Everything will be alright in the end, and its its not alright, then its not the end.

As a result, my New Years resolutions are not like most peoples (losing weight, work harder, etc.). Mine is to keep on living, taking every day as it comes and enjoy every moment of it.
I will only live once, and I've wasted so much of my life already by living in fear and being who I was expected to be.
No more.
2013: Bring. It. On.

It's Christmas!!

Today is the most family orientated day of the year, where extended families get together and eat 3 days worth of food and drink in one sitting.
My eldest brother sadly decided to stay in London today, but my other brother joined us to make it 3 for goose.
I opened my stocking in my bed to find it filled mostly with pants, socks and chocolate.
Ma went to church shortly after breakfast, and I cracked on with making the pudding and sorting out timings of everything so we could eat at 3.
Ma was delighted when R showed up as a 'surprise' and even started crying.... We put the goose in the oven, popped the champagne and unwrapped our presents.
I got everything i asked for - new slippers, a textbook, my lovely Longchamp handbag, the new David Baldacci book and the Men in Black trilogy. However, Ma has decided to give me 3 pairs of gloves, 2 hats and a scarf.. not all my cup of tea, so exchanges might have to be made!
Managed to eat just after 3, although having basically a galley kitchen in our kitchen diner, means that 3 people is too many to all be doing something..
We are now on post dinner downtime - R and I have started my new puzzle, however he is now falling asleep on the floor, and Ma is getting over excited about the cats that have just been delivered for us to look after for the next 10 days.

Its not all joyful though. I feel a slight emptiness, and I know what it is, and I cant rectify it. That saddens me, as I so wish things could be different, and there wasn't 408 miles getting in the way.

However, I must not dwell, good things come to those who wait (apparently) and you never know what or who is around the next corner!!

Merry Christmas to you all,
Lots of Love
Amy

Returning Down South

I came back home for the holidays yesterday. However, even though I am unbelievably excited for Christmas, I think that I am already even more excited about going back.
I never thought I would say that, but yeah.
I have had such a good time over the the last few days that it really made me realise how much fun I am having at Uni this year, and I can't believe that its my last year!
Tuesday night was the best night out I think I have ever had. It was the night the guys finished their exams and therefore it was bound to bee a good'n.
I managed to put my organisational obsession into good use by making sure that all my friends were going to Itchy Feet that night, even though we were all going to different places to pre-drink. Everyone ended up in the same place, and it was EPIC.
Itchy Feet is a great night out anyway, and if you have one in your town, GO. It plays a mixture of soul, swing, rhythm & blues, funk, rock & roll and ska. The perfect combination of old and new. Check out the website for more info: http://www.itchyfeetonline.co.uk/. But having everyone there, and people I knew that I didn't know where going to be there, made is awesome.

Me and the Girlies

Wednesday was a recovery day. Not that I drunk that much anyway, but the guys didn't get up till about 4pm.. H drank a bottle of rum to himself, so he was hanging to the max.

But now I am home in the sleepiest city in England.. and I feel so far away from all my friends..
We got the tree today, and I'm doing the ritual baking with Ma this weekend, which I have made puff pastry for (lookout of pictures). I definitely have the Christmas spirit, but its being somewhat overshadowed by my longing to be back with my friends.
It is also reaffirming the fact that even though I could be living rent free from the summer until I go travelling, I think that I will make the financial sacrifice so that I can keep my social life!

For now, I must focus on the Christmas feeling and seeing friends (fitting in uni work, revision and waitressing when I can)! I still need to get some Christmas presents.. although I am fast running out of ideas/monies. Any suggestions?!

Last 10 Days

Its the last 10 days of term.
I've handed in my application of the Great British Bake Off and done my dissertation draft.
Its got to that point where we've had almost 11 weeks of uni and everyone is going slightly crazy, but in a good way! We are all just so tired of work and the cold/ice that its the smallest things that are making our days.
This weekend was good. Even though I didn't do anything special, and the guys are revising for thier imminent exams, we still had some fun times. I made mince pies, which went down a storm and a carrot cake as O managed to fit 13 bounty's from a box of Celebrations in his mouth at once. K also came round on Sunday to watch Magic Mike. It is only a good film because you get to watch Alex Pettyfer and Channing Tatum topless for an hour and forty mins.. Although, for some unexplained reason, the guys were very keen to watch it too....

My lectures finish next Monday, which mean that I will have 3 days to relax, go out (once the guys finish their exams on tuesday), go to the gym, get some shopping done and pack before I head off down South again for the holidays next Friday.
Even though I having some fun this week (3 'dinner parties' and the giving of secret Santa gifts) I have to write this final essay. Hopefully it won't be too hard or time consuming..

I'm so looking forward to Christmas, even though I have to do a hell of a lot of revision over it, and this years is shaping up quite nicely (however I have practically no money....)
I'm feeling festive!

There is one thing that I have to do over the holidays that isn't going to be 'fun'. But its necessary as it will sort things out in time for the new year, and that can only be a positive!

I'm in a great place at the moment. Really enjoying life and having a blast with all my friends, old and new! The only downside about the holidays is that I wont really see them for 3 weeks.

Apart from the exam I have in January, the only other thing that is scaring me is that I currently don't have anywhere to live or work when I graduate in July. Lets hope that something will come around...!

Tough Times

I didn't do a post last week deliberately.
On Thursday I had Grandpas funeral, but it wasn't just that day that was sad.
I went down to Kent on Wednesday, having fun on the underground on my journey down. Dad and A picked me up from the station and we all drove back to my Grandparents house together.
It didn't feel right being there without them. Don't think it helped that the house was practically empty.
We went out to dinner in the Chinese restaurant that we always used to go to with them, even though it is crap, and raised a toast to both of them.
Thursday itself was not great. Even though the funeral only actually lasted for about half an hour, the fact that there were only 15 people there and the recognition that it was the end of an era, seemed to make it a whole lot worse... Which is probably why I drank a fair bit afterwards.
Friday meant leaving Kent. I will never go back to that house. They lived there my whole life, and it is so full of memories.
We left with Grandma and Grandpa's chairs facing each other in the sitting room. It was like they were could have been sitting in those chairs, sharing a joke over how deaf Grandpa was...
I suppose grief didn't really hit me until we got back to the Cotswolds. The emotions then got even higher over dinner when all my other stresses seemed to catch up with me.
I didn't really want to come back up to Uni yesterday  I just felt so down, and I don't suppose that the arrival of my step-sister helped.

But I am up now. 3 weeks till Christmas holidays and I have so much to do!
I have an important presentation on Thursday that I cant wait to get out the way.. I get all giggly when I have to do them, and being a group presentation it has to be 20 mins long... Lord help me!
I also have to get the primary research chapter done for my dissertation, and this other commodities essay, so that they can be handed in before I leave on the 14th.
AND I have to complete and send in the GBOF application this week!
So its all go go go really. Have to fit in a social life somewhere as well... I know that these assignments are important, but I need to see my friends too!

Talked to Ma about Christmas meals this morning. I'm secretly getting a bit excited for the festive season. Only a week to go until I can start being Christmassy!

Living in the Library

Since my last post I have gotten into a new relationship.
With the library.
I have been here everyday since the beginning of last week.
Its just starting to get a bit ridiculous now. I so don't want a routine and to just take every day as it comes, but I just have so much work to do in the next 4 and a bit weeks that I have just kind of fallen into one. Gym, lectures, library, home. On the weekends that I'm here its just gym, lectures.
WHERES THE FUN IN THAT???
However, I do make sure that I leave here no later than 6pm. If it wasn't for that I really wouldn't have a social life, and I've gotten used to having one now and I don't want to give it up!

Apart from that though, everything is good, although I'm conscious that its Grandpas funeral next week.
I'm starting to notice that I'm slightly waiting for the actually Christmas period to start so I can get all excited over nothing. But at the same time I''m nervous about it... and I still have yet to get anything arranged for New Years.
Also, the iphone and I have a temperamental relationship.. I sometimes forget that its not a basic...

There really is not a lot to report because all I'm doing is uni work at the mo, which isn't terribly exciting.
I'll let you know if something thrilling does happen though.

Silver Lining?

The night I posted my last post was the night that Grandpa died.
I got the phone call from my Dad at 7.30 and was leaving the flat by 10. I just didn't want to be alone.
Even though I am enormously sad, I know am fully in the knowledge that he was in control until the end. That night was the night that he admitted to my father that he couldn't cope anymore, and then he went.
The funeral isn't for another couple of weeks, which is unfortunate as it will be a double hit of emotion.
However, Uni is being really understanding about the whole situation, and being my last year, they are fully behind me.

I am back up North now after being home for a few days.
Even though I now have to spend all my time in the library (I have handed in one of my 3/4 essays today) and I have no money to my name, I really wouldn't be anywhere else. I have most of my friends around me and I'm exactly where I need to be right now.
Realised when I was home that I have completely grown out of the small town I grew up in, and have taken the decision that when I finish at the end of the year, I wont be going back. Not that I will be staying up North either, but I need  to move out, for my own good!

Its been a challenging few weeks really.... made me realise some pretty important things as well.
Just over 5 weeks till we break up for Christmas: so little time to do so much work!

Everything Happens At Once

I thought that I would do a little post just to say that I might not do a post of a little bit.
Over the past few week both my grandfathers have fallen ill, and the one that I am closest to is really not doing well and might only have a few weeks left.
I am not going to stop living, as I think that that would be the worst thing to do, and would also be defining Grandpa, which is not something anyone wants to do!
I also don't really intend to stop my weekly blog update, but I wanted you all to know if I do.

Its curious that everything happens all at the same time. At the moment, life for me can be thought of as buses: nothing comes for ages, and then they all come at once.
All in my final year at uni.
Who ever said life was boring?

Crash

Last week I crashed.

I have been doing so much recently, that my body (and maybe my brain) decided that it had had enough.

I could have been thought of as being good and bad timing. Good timing as O and H weren't there and so it was only P that would have noticed, which he didn't. Bad timing as they weren't there so I was supposed to be doing uni work... So I now have a horrendous amount to do, still.

Tuesday was good though, threw a little supper party for some of the girlies, which then turned into me going out in my slippers... such a mistake!

The rest of the week was me trying to do something with my time, like meeting my friends new baby (made me so broody!) and doing some baking. The rest of the time I was just sleeping.

I dont know how, but even after a weekend of being force fed at my dads and not doing anything except picking wild blackberries (which is one of my favourite past times), I am still totally exhausted!

Thank God I have got this week that I'm going down to sunny(?) Devon to relax and do ALL my work that I have been putting off since I got back up North..

This week I have to write about 4000 words or so... no pressure!

Actually, it should be perfectly manageable if I don't get distracted by the amazing scenery or the telly..

I've also got an important decision to make over the next few days.. I'm in 2 minds about what I want to do, but I think I know what I have to do inorder to know. (If that makes any sense......!)

I am going to stop now, as I feel that how tired I am is coming across in this rambling mess...!

I'll give you a better update in a few days with hopefully a few pretty pictures to go with it!

Want you all to know though that this crash hasn't made me any less happy, still having the time of my life atm, even though I'm not at uni for the week, but I'm just starting to  realise that there is something missing..

Work, Work, PLAY

So I thought I would share with you some of my recent baking (this weeks...):

Millionnaires Shortbread

Iced Buns

Swiss Roll (using my dad's homemade gooseberry and elderflower jam)

English Muffins

What do you think?

This coming week is looking pretty busy, yet again.
I want to complete one of my essays (which I failed at writing today) before I go away at the end of the week, but I have a feeling it that it is going be more difficult than I previously thought.
I know that work is going to want me in quite a bit over the week, even though nothing is set in stone yet. So I will have to fit in library time in around those hours, my lectures and the gym.
This week is also proving to be quite a social one as well...
I'm seeing my pregnant friend tomorrow evening, which I am so excited about!
Tuesday, however, is a whole different ball game. I'm going to drinks from 6-7pm, then having some of the girlies over for supper (pudding is being tested for GBOF), and then we are are having a Morocco night out, which is bound to be a bigg'n.
Means that Wednesday morning will be a total write off in terms of... anything really!
Nothing in the books YET for Thursday, other than the usual, but I might see if my friend from home is around, and I leave on Friday morning..
Ah well.. at least I'm not going to be bored, eh?
Missing the guys though.. its just so quiet without them!
Going round to the girls tonight to watch Homeland and giving them the rest of the swiss roll...
There really are not enough hours in the day!!

24 Usable Hours

As you might know, I absolutely love baking.
Tuesday night was the final of this series of Great British Bake Off. I missed due to the fact that it was P's birthday night out (which was such a good night), but I managed to catch up with it yesterday morning.
I don't think the person who one should have done. Even though their performance was really good in the finial, their overall consistency throughout the whole competition was nothing compared to the other two finalists. However, it was a cracking final!
Anyway, after the show they released the application for next year.
I am going to apply.
I have so much that I have to make, well want to make to take pictures of and write about them, and even though there is no closing date as yet, I feel that it might come round quickly.
Therefore, I need to increase the amount of baking I do.
I am already baking once a week or so, which is good, but most of the time it is sticking to the things that I have done before. I need to start baking the unknown and more frequently.
The slight catch is that my days are already quite full, juggling university work, working at the Union, going to the gym, seeing friends, etc., is already a struggle as it is. Not that I don't love it though. Everyday has bought something new and exciting (that isn't even a lie!).
So it seems that I will need to sacrifice something, and the only conceivable option is to sacrifice some sleep. Who needs a lot of sleep anyway? There is far too much living to do anyways, and I'm definitely not giving up my social life or going to the gym.
So I have decided that because I like going the the gym in the mornings and I work best academically during the day, my baking will have to happen after that. But the evenings are very sociable for me (for example, I have a two friends coming round tonight, one at 6.30 and one at 8). So it looks like my baking is going to have to happen from about 9pm onwards. Maybe I should go and collaborate with the midnight bakery!
I'm intending to do something every day, but its the guys reading week is next week and 2 of them are going home, and I dont think the girls are going to eat that much! So most of it will probably go to waste unfortunately.
The week after that is my reading week, and I will be going on my mini 'holiday' (which is going to involve a lot of work on my dissertation), so I wont be able to do much baking, and therefore is cutting the time I have to bake!
OH well, I will do it all! I HAVE to do it all!!

On a different note though, Tuesday night was such a good night out. It was the night that I felt was the confirmation of my acceptance into my house. I know that I have been here a while now, but still, I now know that I have firm friends in all of them.
I think I'm actually going to miss them when they go home next week and I go down to Devon the week after.
However, it will mean that I might be able to get some uni work done.... Silver lining?

A Well Deserved Sofa Day

Another busy week has gone by.
I only had work on Tuesday (it was so cold), but I have actually been doing some uni work!
I had a meeting with my dissertation earlier on in the week, which was a quick catch up with where things are going. She was impressed that I had done all my data collection and that I had set myself an impossible deadline to complete my draft.... After some general questions from me (trying to find out if my dissertation is actually Geography), she told me that my topic is really interesting and could possible contribute to work already published...
HOLD THE PHONE!
I haven't even written it yet! Getting a bit ahead of ourselves aren't we?!
Expectations are obviously very high for my dissertation and I now have to try and deliver a publishable project.. Bring it! (oh God..........)
So this meeting spurred me into action, and I have actually started writing up my dissertation now.
However, one of my other modules for this semester is intense. I think its actually going to be more work than my dissertation, and its only worth half the amount. What have I got myself into?!

This week wasn't all work though. No, no, no.
My flat mate and I went to go and see Taken 2 on Wednesday. It is Liam Neeson just being awesome, again. He wasn't so taken with it, but I really enjoyed it. Do love a good action film.
Last night we went on an impromptu night out. It was probably one of the best night outs I have had in a while. Didn't get too drunk and the 'club' was full of people we knew, which made it even better. H and I were greeted with a very drunk P when we came home. He had no idea when he got home and kept asking me where his socks were.. After O came home with his ex, we stayed up for quite a while trying to play table tennis, but when we eventually went to bed P wanted me to wait for him to make sure he could make it up all the stairs... Ah, I do love my housemates.
Can't wait for Tuesday now. Having a proper celebration for P's birthday that was on Friday. Its going to be a good'n.

So I think I deserve a day on the sofa!
Bring on next week though. Can't wait to see what its got for me!

Soundtrack to my life atm: 'Time of my Life' - 3 Doors Down

Golly Gosh!

Well what a week that was!
On Monday and Tuesday I was working from about 8 in the morning till 5pm, trying to fit in my lecture somewhere in the middle! Fresher Fair was really fun though. I was flyer-ing for pretty much the whole time, and managed to get rid of all of the flyers (pretty chuffed with myself!) The stall we were next to were these group of lads (all from the mens hockey team.....) who were promoting an app they had made for student discounts. They were such a top group and we had a lot of banter going on to get us though. Unfortunately though, due to the new piercing, I couldn't take advantage of the free food that was being handed out..
All in all, it was a lot of fun and even though it was unbelievably tiring, we made it through!
Wednesday turned out to be enormously chilled. I was supposed to be going shopping, but the shops were all a bit too busy for me, so I ended my staying in my pyjamas till about 12 and then going for a wonder before meeting my heavily pregnant friend for a post work coffee. She has had the easiest pregnancy in the world and is looking so radiant. It was lovely to see her and she said that I seemed like a new person.... which I guess I am!
On Thursday we had the dissertation lecture... Basically put it all the work I have to do in perspective... It really wasn't cool. I now have 3 things in for the second week of January and an exam the week after. But it'll be ok.... I hope!
Friday was another 2 hour lecture followed by 2 hours of flyer-ing. What go me though was the knowledge that I was going to see one of my oldest friends that evening.
I have had the most fabulous weekend! Not that we did anything special at all, just a bit of shopping and A LOT of eating (diet starts again tomorrow), but it was just perfect after a manic week and before all the uni work starts again (supposedly). We cooked a roast of 10 people today and it was so much fun as I felt instantly accepted into her group of friends. I will deffo be going down again!
So, the work is supposed to start this week. Not looking forward to it really, but I know it has to be done.
But as my Lenny said to me today 'work hard, play harder'.
I am not going to let the man get me down. I have too much living to do!!

Back Into A Routine?

So last week didn't quite turn out the way I thought, but I just went with it.
Turned out I got the job and they needed me to work quite a lot last week. I didn't really mind, got me money in the bank, and I also made friends with the people who I work with quite quickly, so it didn't really feel like work at all!
I also got my tongue pierced. My mother doesn't know, but she will not be happy. But ultimately, I like it, and thats what matters. However, I can no longer eat solid food... well at least I can only have liquids until it heals. I'm just so hungry!!
Getting it done has made me seriously think about getting the tattoo done, and I seriously looking at designs for it.
This week brings a lot more work and the start of lectures.
All of my friends are looking forward to getting back into lectures and back into a 'routine'.
I've been thinking about this, and I think the only thing that I will have the same each week is my lectures and gymnastics on a Monday night. The rest of my life is totally up in the air, which I love! It's this part of me not knowing whats going to happen and not being scared. And I'm really not!
The only 'plans' I have is that I have got my reading week 'holiday' sorted... I think thats about it! I only know about when I'm working 2 days before they want me in, so its not exactly organised. What happens happens, and I going with it.
I'm totally in love with freedom!

My Last Freshers Week

Freshers week started yesterday. Its my last one and is turning out to be the one that I will be out the most for.

At my university freshers week really is just for freshers (you have to buy wristbands and only freshers can afford the £75...) unless you are a member of freshers crew, which I am not. Not that I want to be either!

So far I will be out on the town tonight, tomorrow, wednesday and saturday. I wouldn't be surprised if I end up going out more! 

I also got a job today, doing promotions for the Student Union. Quite exciting really, as it means I am working with a group of new people, meaning that hopefully I will be making new friends! Also, it means that I will have money, so I can go and do all the things that I want to do. 

One slight 'problem' is that it starts on wednesday, so hopefully I wont be hanging too much!

Went back to the gym today and a group of us are going to the gymnastics gymnasium tonight before we go out.

So things are looking good so far, and tonight will be testing how well my not being scared is going.

I have also decided not to be scared to say how I feel either. Really putting me first!!

Looking forward to this week. All my friends are back and no pressures yet.. 

Should be good!!

A Lot Going On!

Over the past couple of days I have been moving back up to Uni and into my new house.
I really don't think I can ask for a better house or more lovely housemates. This year really should send me off with a bang!
The next few days are going to be quite busy for me.
Tomorrow, I have to go and register so I can get my loan released, pay my gym membership, have a meeting at the uni and seeing 2 of my lovely friends.
On Friday, I will actually go to the gym and spend a long time there, and at 2pm I have a job interview.....!! So wish me luck!
Over the weekend all my friends will be coming back up, so it will consist of going to see them as soon as they get back and catching up on the whole summer... I really can't contain how excited I am.
The only downer is that I have to wait of a delivery on Monday. 7am-8pm is the window that has been give. Totally ridiculous. But 'm sure that my patience will be rewarded by a trip out for a birthday.
Its really not looking too bad so far.
I just need my loan to come though so I can really start doing what I want to do.
Start living.

(p.s. Will publish pictures of my room when it is completely sorted!)

Quick Update

Just wanted to write a quick note to update you on what has happened since yesterday.
I forgot to mention that I am going to learn how to skate at Christmas. I know this is a bit of planning, but I asked someone to teach me and the next time I am going to see them will be at Christmas! I know it has been a long time coming, I got my skate over 13 months ago, but I'm not going to be scared any more and just do it. If I fall, I fall. I just have to get back up.
I have also applied for a promotions job at the Student Union. It will keep me busy, I will meet new people, and it will help me fund all the things I want to do! So wish me luck in getting it!
Go back tomorrow, so I packed all my stuff up today.
So looking forward to the distractions...

Hello, Again!

Been a long time coming, but I'm back.
There is no premiss to this blog other than just following me in my life.
However, it is not starting on a particularly good light. I'm in the process of going though a break up. Its  been so much harder than the others, for no real reason except that I feel that it could have been prevented.
I don't want to lose this person out of my life, but at the moment its really hard as the wound is so fresh.
I think the most scary thing is is that I am no longer sure of the future.
In fact, I have no clue about whats going to happen tomorrow, let alone in the next ten years, and its scares me. Although, I find it immensely liberating. Its so different to how I have ever thought before and I want to embrace it.
I guess this is what this blog is going to be about. Me living my life in the moment. The only things that I have planned to do this year is to take every day as it comes and do what I want to do.
I have been looking at going to an open night with my Uni friends to a gymnasium because it was actually fun, and I would like to learn to do a flip without breaking my nose!
I also want to do Pilates and maybe some other classes.
I'm going to stop being so scared of what happens and just do it anyway. Deal with the consequences if/when they arise.
(I would just like to point out though, that being my last year of Uni, I am going to have a load of work to do so sometimes that might have to become a priority!)
Even though these radical changes have been inspired by the person that I love the most, I am implementing them for myself, not for them.
Sort myself out, sort my life out!
Its time to live for myself.