Tough Times

I didn't do a post last week deliberately.
On Thursday I had Grandpas funeral, but it wasn't just that day that was sad.
I went down to Kent on Wednesday, having fun on the underground on my journey down. Dad and A picked me up from the station and we all drove back to my Grandparents house together.
It didn't feel right being there without them. Don't think it helped that the house was practically empty.
We went out to dinner in the Chinese restaurant that we always used to go to with them, even though it is crap, and raised a toast to both of them.
Thursday itself was not great. Even though the funeral only actually lasted for about half an hour, the fact that there were only 15 people there and the recognition that it was the end of an era, seemed to make it a whole lot worse... Which is probably why I drank a fair bit afterwards.
Friday meant leaving Kent. I will never go back to that house. They lived there my whole life, and it is so full of memories.
We left with Grandma and Grandpa's chairs facing each other in the sitting room. It was like they were could have been sitting in those chairs, sharing a joke over how deaf Grandpa was...
I suppose grief didn't really hit me until we got back to the Cotswolds. The emotions then got even higher over dinner when all my other stresses seemed to catch up with me.
I didn't really want to come back up to Uni yesterday  I just felt so down, and I don't suppose that the arrival of my step-sister helped.

But I am up now. 3 weeks till Christmas holidays and I have so much to do!
I have an important presentation on Thursday that I cant wait to get out the way.. I get all giggly when I have to do them, and being a group presentation it has to be 20 mins long... Lord help me!
I also have to get the primary research chapter done for my dissertation, and this other commodities essay, so that they can be handed in before I leave on the 14th.
AND I have to complete and send in the GBOF application this week!
So its all go go go really. Have to fit in a social life somewhere as well... I know that these assignments are important, but I need to see my friends too!

Talked to Ma about Christmas meals this morning. I'm secretly getting a bit excited for the festive season. Only a week to go until I can start being Christmassy!

Living in the Library

Since my last post I have gotten into a new relationship.
With the library.
I have been here everyday since the beginning of last week.
Its just starting to get a bit ridiculous now. I so don't want a routine and to just take every day as it comes, but I just have so much work to do in the next 4 and a bit weeks that I have just kind of fallen into one. Gym, lectures, library, home. On the weekends that I'm here its just gym, lectures.
WHERES THE FUN IN THAT???
However, I do make sure that I leave here no later than 6pm. If it wasn't for that I really wouldn't have a social life, and I've gotten used to having one now and I don't want to give it up!

Apart from that though, everything is good, although I'm conscious that its Grandpas funeral next week.
I'm starting to notice that I'm slightly waiting for the actually Christmas period to start so I can get all excited over nothing. But at the same time I''m nervous about it... and I still have yet to get anything arranged for New Years.
Also, the iphone and I have a temperamental relationship.. I sometimes forget that its not a basic...

There really is not a lot to report because all I'm doing is uni work at the mo, which isn't terribly exciting.
I'll let you know if something thrilling does happen though.

Silver Lining?

The night I posted my last post was the night that Grandpa died.
I got the phone call from my Dad at 7.30 and was leaving the flat by 10. I just didn't want to be alone.
Even though I am enormously sad, I know am fully in the knowledge that he was in control until the end. That night was the night that he admitted to my father that he couldn't cope anymore, and then he went.
The funeral isn't for another couple of weeks, which is unfortunate as it will be a double hit of emotion.
However, Uni is being really understanding about the whole situation, and being my last year, they are fully behind me.

I am back up North now after being home for a few days.
Even though I now have to spend all my time in the library (I have handed in one of my 3/4 essays today) and I have no money to my name, I really wouldn't be anywhere else. I have most of my friends around me and I'm exactly where I need to be right now.
Realised when I was home that I have completely grown out of the small town I grew up in, and have taken the decision that when I finish at the end of the year, I wont be going back. Not that I will be staying up North either, but I need  to move out, for my own good!

Its been a challenging few weeks really.... made me realise some pretty important things as well.
Just over 5 weeks till we break up for Christmas: so little time to do so much work!